I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Couch. On fire.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
