girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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