Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
