I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
