Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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