Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
