Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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