Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
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I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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