i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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