don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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