I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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