my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
