we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
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captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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