Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
