The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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