Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
