Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
