Define "chronic" masturbator.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
