It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
