if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I had to cum in my sink.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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