Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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