Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
