Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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