you turned your livingroom into a bong?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
