I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
