My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
