: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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