I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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