Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
