I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
