Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
