I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
