My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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