Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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