Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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