rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Randomize
