I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
