I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
should my penis look like a turkey
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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