the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Someone signed my nipple.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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