fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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