I will die if light touches me.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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