One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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