I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i think im in europe. pls send help
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
