grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
