So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
