I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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