I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
