I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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