Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
