Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
