I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
