i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
