dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
