It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
