I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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