i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
