the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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