I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
