You're my little dorito
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
