Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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