If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
