I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
