i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She's the barista slut.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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