What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
