I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She even gives head with a lisp.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
