Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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