there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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