he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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