My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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