I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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