Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
