I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
