What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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