you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
