this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
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